6 more weeks

so i have six more weeks of ....this

i was feeling lonely, but maureen reassured me that i don't need anyone to make me happy. i had a long chat with matt yesterday. it was nice. he's now a born again christian but he didn't try to cram anything down my throat. and i really did take what he said to heart. and i know he might think i pass off what he said about how he prays for me every night, but knowing that someone out there cares about me like that really makes me want to stop all my bitching about men and all those troubles.

on the i'm gettin the fluck out of here front, i've now got two models for my portfolio shoots and the first one's comin up real soon! i'm really proud of the woman and artist i've become. not in the sense that i'm like nah nah i'm better than you, but just that i'm happy with what is born from my hands and my mind. i'll never need children when i can give birth to these things.

yes, i do still struggle with the depression, yes sometimes things bother me, but i've fouind that the buisier i am, the better i am. i may be exhausted but its still a feeling of accomplishment. i'm glad to have the jobs and education that i do because i'm surrounded by people who care about me. i don't need a man or a woman to confirm anything in my self esteem for me to feel good about myself

taaadaaa, just in time for when i need my energy most, may i present Seasonal Depression!

i seriously fucking hate this shit. and chicago weather does not help. the next two months will suck, unless somehow prince charming comes out of left field and sweeps me off my feet. yeah i'm glad i'm still good friends with john because it certainly helps to have someone know how my messed up head works. but i totally blew off my tailoring class this morning, actually i've only missed an hour of it so far. if i finish my piped button hole NOW i can be there by 10-10:30 and just get a late arrival instead of an absense....*sigh* i just need to be more strict oon myself with this shit. i need to get over that men are assholes and somehow i always get treated like crap. i just need to focus on my work. i thought about quitting one of my jobs but i could never give up working at loopy and being a TA actually makes me get 10 hours of work done a week as opposed to bumming around my appartment. so yeah if you see me give me a smile because i'm bound to need it from here till december ....12 i think

so i said i was miserable at upkeeping these things

so yeah, here's a quick low down on what my life has turned into since the lazy and crazy days of summer

i'm taking 4 studio classes, 3 of them being senior level classes, 1 with the head of the department.

i've been very honored to have a job at both Loopy yarns and as a TA in the fashion department for columbia

john moved in with me, then moved out

i turned 21 and didn't have the time to party

i really got ticked off last night by an asshole who had been leading me on